


Tongue Tied

by kirschhhstein



Series: Just Say It [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Multi, and sasha is scottish this is important trust me, b i s e x u a l mikasa because i say so, this is your standard long-term-friends-suddenly-in-love au, yay implied sexual content, yay sleepovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-06-03 10:15:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6607054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirschhhstein/pseuds/kirschhhstein
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mikasa is no stranger to romantic feelings.  She knows how they go, and how they inevitably fizzle out into nothing.  She's seen it happen with her parents, and now she's experiencing it for herself.  It's just easier and more comfortable to be good friends with everyone instead - with her brother and their best friend, with her boyfriend... and with Sasha.  Sasha's in a category of her own really.  Mikasa's still trying to figure that part out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yep, this is a companion piece to (the currently still unfinished fic) BZZ!, but i just had to get this first part out of my head before i could concentrate on anything else. i can't believe i've never written mikasasha before when it's my third fav snk pairing. although this does get kinda of jeankasa heavy. i don't think i realised how much i shipped them too until i wrote this.
> 
> this fic will cover the timeline leading up and during the events of BZZ! - centred on Mikasa and Sasha but other characters are still around.

Mikasa regrets going to volleyball club when she's paired with the loudmouthed girl from her social studies class.  They have had to work together in class a few times so she's pretty sure her name is Sasha.  And she's also pretty sure she doesn't like her very much.

Each time Mikasa tosses the ball to her, Sasha insists on bouncing the ball on her knees and switching it between her feet before tossing it back.

"Do you need to do whatever you're doing every time?"  Mikasa asks, hurling the ball across the court a little harder than necessary.

Sasha catches it on her chest with an "Ow" and proceeds to bounce it on her kneecaps, her ponytail swishing wildly.

"Yeh don't know keepy-uppys?"  She says in her weird accent.

"I... what?"

"Y'know... when yeh keep the ball in the air without using yer hands."

Mikasa stares.  In volleyball hands are the only things the player is allowed to touch the ball with.

Before she can point this out, Sasha knocks the ball into the air with her knee and smacks it into the net with her foot.

"Goal!"  She beams and looks to Mikasa for her reaction.

"The girls' football club meet on Tuesdays."  Mikasa says.

"Well yeah, but today's Friday."

"I don't know how to talk to you."  Mikasa replies and walks away to find a different partner.  The remainder of the practice consists of Sasha continuously ignoring the coach as she instinctively hits the ball with her foot, and of Mikasa continuously ignoring Sasha.

This tactic works relatively well until practice ends and Mikasa finds herself being followed out of the school by her still-energetic classmate.

"That was fun!  I think I'll go again next Tuesday."

"Friday."  Mikasa corrects automatically and then backtracks.  "No, I don't think you should."

"How come?"  Sasha asks, tugging the straps of her backpack as she scuffs her worn shoes against the ground.

"Because you're not playing the sport properly."

"S'more fun my way though."

"Then you should go to football club on _Tuesday_. _"_

"Nah.  Hey, we should have a sleepover!  Can I stay at your's sometime?"

"No, you're too noisy."  Mikasa says, too intent on getting home and away from Sasha to pay too much attention to what she's asking.

" _Your_ brother is the noisiest out of everyone."  Sasha pouts, and Mikasa gives her a sharp look.  "What?  Yeh can always hear him thinkin' out loud in maths."

"It helps him work out the answer."  Mikasa shoots back, far too annoyed now to entertain this girl much further.

"I.. I know that."  Sasha falters for a moment before picking right back up with - "I didn'y mean it in a bad way.  I'm just sayin'... um..."

"I'm going home now."  Mikasa announces and starts to quicken her pace, but not before she catches Sasha's eyes widening in alarm.

"Ah - wait!  Please, uh... Mikasa?"  Sasha calls uncertainly, and Mikasa turns to stare at her.  "Eh... that's yer name, right?"

"You don't even know my name, but you're asking to stay at my house?"

"But I got it right, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did."  Mikasa admits, thinking about the way Sasha pronounces "I" as "ah".  But she doesn't feel like commenting on it.

"I'm only askin' 'cause.. My mum says it's weird that I don't have any friends that are girls."  Sasha fidgets nervously with her bag straps.  "And startin' a new school is kinda scary, and the girls in our classes seem kinda... I dunno.  Different.  I don't really know how to talk to them."

"So you thought I would be the easiest to approach?"

"Well, yeah 'cause yer nice.  Yeh don't whisper much."  Sasha smiles toothily and Mikasa wonders what she means.

"So, please let me stay sometime!  I won't be too loud, I promise."

She interlocks her hands and presses them to her mouth in demonstration, brown eyes wide and pleading.

Mikasa sighs, and looks to the greying sky just so she won't have to see Sasha's anxious face anymore.

"Okay.  You can stay tonight.  But Eren and Armin will be there too."

"Mmf-'kay."  Sasha mumbles through her fingers.  It's muffled but she sounds pleased.

Mikasa stares at her for another moment before looking away and walking forward again.

"You can take your hands off your mouth now."

Sasha drops her hands to clasp them behind her back, swinging round so she walks backwards next to Mikasa.  She's beaming so brightly that Mikasa almost wants to look away from her.

"We're friends now, y'know."

"No, we're not."

 

\--

 

After some initial confusion and sceptism on Eren's part, Sasha is welcomed with open arms.  More or less.  She's still wearing her backpack, and has tucked herself into a ball at the foot of Mikasa's bed; eyes fixated on Mikasa's fingers threading through Armin's hair.

Eren tosses his homework aside and sprawls across the duvet, taking up most of the space on his own.  "Pythagoras can SMD.  You wanna know what the value of 'x' is?  I'll tell you - fucking _fuck all._ Who cares?"

Armin pulls away from Mikasa's lap to squint at Eren's textbook on the floor.  "It's seven."  He says before settling back with his head on Mikasa's stomach.

"I don't care anymore."  Eren says flatly.  And then adds: "Hey, Sasha - wanna write that in for me?"

She slips her bag from her shoulders and leans off of the bed to scribble in Eren's homework jotter.  "Yer handwriting's _enormous."_

"It's so I can read it later."  Eren says, scowling at the ceiling as though it has personally offended him.  "You sound like that Nanabanana person.  The bloody teaching assistant that won't leave me alone."

"Don't pretend that you don't adore them, Eren."  Armin says, his eyes closing contentedly as Mikasa scratches his scalp.  She smiles down at him; she won't be surprised if he starts purring.

"Well... yeah.  But they're still annoying.  Anyway - " Eren sits up and looks directly at Sasha who's still dangling off the bedside.  "You just moved here during the summer, yeah?"

"Yep."  Sasha pushes away from the bed with her feet until she's upright - and upside down with her palms flat on the ground.

"So who do you usually hang out with at school?"

She attempts to shrug and wobbles dangerously.  "Uh, the two tall guys from my art class sometimes.  Marco and... John, I think."

Eren shoots Mikasa a knowing look and starts snorting with laughter.  She ignores him and Armin rolls his eyes.

"Um, what?"  Sasha asks, glancing between the three of them and Armin tells her not to mind it.

"Your face is getting red."  Mikasa points out and Sasha twists and lands on the ground with an ungraceful _thump._

"Is it movie time yet?"

"Eren, you haven't finished your homework - "

 _"Is it movie time yet?"_   Eren repeats himself louder.

"Oh, actually... " Armin struggles to pull himself up and reach for his laptop.  "I found another werewolf one we haven't seen yet.  It's described as... oh, _'A bitch of a werewolf movie'."_

He looks up eagerly and meets Eren's grin with one of his own.

Twenty minutes later the four of them are huddled around the computer screen, unable to move without also shifting the person next to them.  It's far too hot an evening for all of them to be crammed into one bed, but there's no alternative and Sasha doesn't seem inclined to let go of Mikasa's arm anytime soon.

"That bloke sounds like you, Sasha."  Eren points out the red-haired soldier.  Armin opens his mouth as though to say something but seems to change his mind.

"You guys actually _like_ these films?"  She asks in disbelief, her nails digging into Mikasa's skin as the onscreen music increases in volume.

Mikasa doesn't mind them.  She knows Eren and Armin have a peculiar obsession with monster movies, and she does find it quite fun to watch their simultaneously terrified and thrilled reactions to the gory scenes onscreen.  Sometimes she likes to poke their sides during particularly intense scenes and make them yelp.  She doubts Sasha would appreciate being frightened though.

"Don't you like being scared?"  Eren launches across the bed and bares his teeth in a snarl at Sasha who shrieks and dives under the duvet - spilling crisps everywhere.  Mikasa shoots him a warning look and places a hand protectively over the quivering lump under the cover.

"There are far too many men in this movie."  She remarks.

"We can watch Underworld again tomorrow."  Armin murmurs, transfixed by the movements onscreen.

Mikasa shakes her head at the idea, but Sasha peers out from under the covers with wide shining eyes.

"Is that the Kate Beckinsdale one?"

Mikasa nods.  "It's not that good though."

"Kate Beckinsdale though."  Sasha mumbles.

"Van Helsing then."  Mikasa decides and Armin makes an enthusiastic noise while Eren groans.

Despite Eren's disdain towards both of the suggested films, the other three collectively agree to watch at least one of them tomorrow.  Mikasa realises that this would mean Sasha staying another night, and finds herself not minding so much.  She's no more energetic than Eren really, and her reactions are just as funny to provoke and witness.

They finish the movie with a general consensus of "That wasn't bad, actually", and Sasha's adamant "Nope, never again".  Eren and Armin say their goodnights and switch to Eren's room so there's space for Sasha to sleep.  Mikasa reluctantly offers her her spaceship pyjamas, and Sasha brushes her teeth with her fingers before they climb into bed.

Mikasa doesn't hold her breath that they'll both remain silent until they each eventually drift off.  Sure enough, Sasha soon pipes up to voice her fears of a werewolf breaking in the window during the night.

"That won't happen."

"Yeh don't know that."

"I'm the one sleeping closest to the window.  It will eat me first and my screams will wake you so you can escape."  Mikasa reasons.

"How is that any better!"  Sasha whines.  The duvet shifts and Mikasa knows that Sasha has tucked her head under the pillow.  She continues talking but her voice is muffled.  Mikasa sighs, far too tired to even try to understand what Sasha is saying.  It's going to be a long night.

 

\--

 

"Let's do it."

"No."

"Just the cartilage.  Ooh, or maybe the nose."

_"No."_

"It'd look _soooo_ cool on yeh, though."  Sasha frames a square with her fingers and squints through the space at Mikasa.  "Very punk rock."

"I'm not into punk rock."

"Well, _I_ am.  The aesthetic of it anyway."  Sasha falls back on the pillows, carelessly throwing an arm across Mikasa's stomach as she does so.  "Even if yeh don't want one, could yeh still come with me to get mine?"

Mikasa turns her head to scrutinise Sasha's ear.  It's small and currently bare with little wisps of brown hair tucked behind it.  She can't imagine any kind of stud or decoration on it.

"No."  She says flatly.

 _"Mikasa!"_ Sasha exclaims and goes flying upright once more.  She just can't sit _still_ sometimes.  "What kinda friend doesn'y -"

"We're not friends.  You're just a persistent classmate."

"D'yeh let every persistent classmate sleep in yer bed?"

"You're the only one that's asked."

"I'm sure I'm not the only one that'd like to though."  Sasha laughs and does the camera imitation with her hands again.  "Can yeh imagine what the boys in our class would say if they saw this?"

Mikasa tosses a pillow at her and yanks the duvet up to her chin.  They're only Jungle Book pyjamas.  And she likes them very much, thank you.

They turn off the lights and lie facing away from each other under a single duvet.  Minutes pass and Mikasa's surprised she hasn't yet heard the soft snores that she's become familiar with over the past few weeks.  Sasha is usually quick to drift off.

She must want to say something, Mikasa realises.  But she doesn't want to be the one to break the silence, so she remains quiet until Sasha finally speaks up.

"Hey, uh... Yer only teasin' me when yeh say we're not friends, right?"  She asks quietly.

Mikasa feels a prickle of guilt as she wonders if Sasha has been worried about this the entire time they've been doing this.  Of _course_ they're friends.  Mikasa wouldn't be spending so much time with her otherwise.  Maybe Sasha just hasn't quite figured out how to read her yet.  Or perhaps she's struggled with friends before and just needs the reassurance.  Mikasa can offer that much.

"You're my one of my best friends, Sasha."  Mikasa says truthfully.  "You, Eren and Armin."

"Oh.  That makes me happy then."  She says softly from the other side of the bed.  "I kinda feel like spoonin' yeh now."

"Don't."  Mikasa warns.  "We're not that close yet."

"We will be."  Sasha yawns in reply, and Mikasa rolls her eyes before falling asleep.

 

\--

 

When Mikasa accompanies Sasha to the piercing studio, it goes almost exactly as she had expected.

Sasha takes one look at the needle and her face goes white.  She glances at Mikada who offers nothing but a blank look and a shrug.

"Is there, eh... a nicer way of doin' this?"  Sasha clears her throat, addressing the assistant but still eyeing the needle.

"Yeah.  Clip-ons."  They answer dryly.

Sasha looks to Mikasa again, eyes wide and screaming _"help"._

Mikasa exhales impatiently and uncrosses her arms.  "Fine.  I'll get it done first."

Five minutes of form-filling later, Mikasa lays down on the seat as the assistant preps.

"D'yeh want me to hold yer hand?"

"Not really."

"It's more for my benefit, I think."  Sasha half-jokes.  Mikasa wordlessly extends her hand out for Sasha to clasp as the assistant approaches with the needle.

Mikasa registers a sharp pain in her ear and an odd kind of numbness which half-convinces her that her ear has swollen to ten times its normal size.  But really, it wasn't all that painful for more than a moment.

"It'll be tender for a while so try not to sleep on your right side."  The assistant says.  "Clean it twice a day with the solvent solution and it should be fine."

"Whoa, it looks really red."  Sasha murmurs as she peers at it.  "Did it hurt much?"

Mikasa glances at the indifferent assistant before answering.

"It was agonising."

"Really?"  Sasha bites her lip and Mikasa nods for emphasis.  "Maybe I'd... Maybe I'll get mine done another day."

"Good idea."  Mikasa agrees, ignoring the assistant's raised eyebrow.  So what if she's exaggerating the pain a little?  She knows even the tiniest nip would make Sasha howl and change her mind.  And Sasha's ears don't need any improving anyway.

When they go to bed later, after Sasha has throughly shown off Mikasa's earring bar to Eren and Armin whilst amping up how brave she'd been, Mikasa resigns to lying on her left to protect her tender ear.

She's face to face with Sasha who is still staring at the earring with an awestruck look on her face.

"It looks so _cool."_  She whispers, and reaches over just to barely trace the shape of Mikasa's ear with her fingertip.

Then she turns around to face the opposite way, and her quiet snores fill the room not a minute later.  Mikasa looks at the wisps of hair on the back of Sasha's neck until she too drifts off.

A week later Mikasa goes back to the piercing studio and leaves with a stud in her nose.  She stops by an accessory shop and buys a choker before picking up a worn biker jacket in a charity store.

When she turns up to school the next day, she watches Sasha's stunned reaction with satisfaction.

"Punk rock is _so_ my aesthetic."  Sasha murmurs and spends the remainder of the day hanging off of Mikasa's leather-clad arm.

 

\--

 

They're playing Bluff on Mikasa's bed when she decides to tell them. She was originally only going to mention it to Eren and Armin and ask their opinion, but Sasha had typically followed her home with the announcement that she planned to stay the weekend.

"You don't have your things with you." Mikasa had pointed out. "What are you going to wear?"

"I'll just have to wear something of yours again, I suppose."

"What are you going to brush your teeth with?"

In reply Sasha had only crammed maybe six crisps into her mouth and gave a mischievous close-mouthed smile.

But now that Mikasa is thinking about it, as she watches a neutral-faced Armin place down two cards, perhaps what she has to talk about is something Sasha _should_ know.  And those magazines Sasha sometimes brought over always explicitly said that you were supposed to talk to your girl friends about these things.

She can't decide if this is something she should be talking to Sasha about _alone_ instead of also with her brother and Armin.  But they are all here in her room anyway, so she may as well say it now.

She places down two cards.  "Jean asked me out today. Two sixes."

There's a loud _crack_ as Sasha's glass slips from her grasp to break on the bedframe and spill apple juice across the carpet.

"Are you _serious?"_ Eren bursts out laughing over Sasha's frantic apologies as she leaps off the bed to futilely scrub at the stained floor.

"I don't know why you're surprised.  Jean has liked Mikasa for a long time now." Armin says as-a-matter-of-fact-ly, already handing Sasha the pre-prepared brush and dust pan from under Mikasa's bed.

"Has he?" Sasha asks, still and staring up at Mikasa in disbelief - brush and pan in hand.

"I'm not _surprised_.  It's just - fucking _finally!"_ Eren falls backwards, giggling to himself.  "When did he ask?"

"After volleyball."

"Where was _I?"_   Sasha splutters, and Mikasa reminds her of her ongoing war with the vending machine in the corridor between the gym halls.

"Aw, yeah."

"What do you think I should tell him?"  Mikasa glances between the three of them.

"Uh - _no,_ of course!  He's an arrogant arse!" Eren exclaims as though it's obvious.  Mikasa had already anticipated that reaction so she looks to Sasha for a more helpful opinion.

Except Sasha's still scrubbing at the floor.  She meets Mikasa's eye for a moment before looking away and saying "I dunno.  Whatever.  Boys are gross."

This isn't really the response Mikasa had been looking for.  So much for the whole "girlfriends" culture.  So she fixes her eye on Armin who meets her gaze steadily.

"Do you like him?" He asks.

Mikasa thinks about when Jean spoke to her today.  The anxiety in his voice, but the sincerity in his eyes.  How tall and handsome he had seemed in front of her, and the smile he offered when he said "You're awesome at spiking by the way.  I think we'd play on the court pretty well together."

Jean likes her.  He _really_ likes her.  It's nice to think about.

"I think I could." Mikasa says truthfully.

"Well... he _is_ pretty good-looking."  Eren admits.  "Even I would probably struggle to say no to that face."

"I could."  Sasha says stubbornly as she sweeps the broken glass into the bin with a clatter.  "I could _easily_ say no."

"Aren't you friends with Jean, Sasha?"  Armin frowns, sipping from his cup.  Sasha makes an odd noise of neither confirmation or denial.

"We're all gonna have to be his friend if Mikasa starts dating him."  Eren sighs.  "God, just... Make sure I'm not home when you bring him back here to canoodle."

Armin snorts and sprays apple juice from his nose.  Eren bursts into hysterics and Sasha stares at the bed in disgust, as though it's already become something horrifying and contaminated.

"That's where I _sleep."_ She says.

"It's _my_ bed."  Mikasa says.  "And nobody is canoodling in it yet."

 _"Yet."_ Eren and Sasha say together - Eren gleefully, Sasha gloomily.

 

\--

 

Dating Jean is so much more pleasant than Mikasa had expected.  At first she's annoyed by the flustered way he behaves around her.  She's not sure how to handle the strange things he blurts out in nervousness.  But then she finds herself startled into laughter when he strikes gold with food-related puns.

She always takes one of Jean's earphones when it's offered, and closes her eyes to listen to the mix of indie and punk he seems to favour.  Mikasa isn't too into music, but it isn't bad.

"Make me a playlist."  She says, and is surprised when a blushing Jean admits that he already has.

And she's oddly proud when Jean finally progresses from pecking her on the cheek to kissing her mouth.  His lips are soft enough that she catches herself raising onto her toes to chase him for more kisses when he pulls away.

"You two are gross, seriously.  We're in an academic environment. Show some respect."  Eren says with a loud slurp from his can.  Jean pauses in the middle of doodling lyrics on Mikasa's arm to stick his tongue out at him.

"We're in the cafeteria, Eren."  Armin leans across the table to steal a sip from his friend's can.  "And I'm certain that there's a terrible drawing of a sunflower on your left bicep right now."

"How do you know that?"  Eren demands.

"Because you asked me to draw it for you."  Armin says dryly.

"Oh yeah.  You guys wanna see it?"  Eren grins, already rolling back his sleeve.

"Not really."  Jean says and caps his sharpie.

Mikasa pulls her arm away to scrutinise it.  Fall Out Boy again.  Of course.  Armin peers over her shoulder to look too and wrinkles his nose.

"Not into it?"

"I'm not into music with guitar noises."

Jean makes a noise like he's scandalised.  Mikasa clamps a hand over his mouth before he go on one of his many rants about alternative rock.  It doesn't bother her much, but she has a feeling Armin wouldn't take too well to Jean's musical pretention.

"Sasha!"  Eren waves their friend over to the table.  "Well?  Did you convince her to give you seconds?"

"Yep."  Sasha says dreamily, dropping into a seat and staring lovingly at the plateful of lasagne before her.  She takes a large forkful into her mouth and swoons.  _"God bless pushover lunch ladies."_

"She never gives me any extra."  Eren grumbles and complains when both Armin and Mikasa reach to steal chips from his plate.  "Oh hey!  Finally got the Hellboy films on DVD, so I'm thinking double feature tonight.  You in, Sasha?"

"Uh... are they scary?"

"For _you_ maybe.  They're _awesome_ though."

"Eh, alright.  I'm in."

Mikasa glances at Jean who seems to be trying not to look at any of them.  She touches his arm to ensure his attention before reminding him that he's invited too.

"Oh, uh... sure."  He says, looking sheepish but pleased.  And Mikasa doesn't take any notice of Armin's smile or Eren's sniggers.

In the short while Mikasa and Jean have been dating, he hasn't really spent much time with all of them as a group.  Mikasa hadn't thought it would matter too much until she realised time with Jean was cutting into time with her friends.  So putting them together seems like the obvious solution.

However, there is an immediate problem the moment they try to settle down and watch the film.  There isn't nearly enough room for five of them on Mikasa's bed.

"Okay, I'll make the sacrifice."  Eren sighs and looks to Armin who has his knees pulled tight to his chest.  "Alright, buddy.  Spread your legs so I can get comfy."

"You've _got_ to be joking."

"Well, I gotta sit in _someone's_ lap."

"Eren, you're the _heaviest_ out of all of us."

"I think you guys are missing the obvious solution here."  Jean says, leaning back against the pillows and motioning for Mikasa to lie against his chest.

"Ah, well.  I guess that works."  Eren says as Mikasa shifts into place.  "I still kinda want to sit on Armin though."

"Don't even."

Of course Eren somehow manoeuvres himself to lie atop a grumbling Armin anyway.  With the - what Eren referred to as - "double stacking" of bodies and Sasha curled up between them, there's enough space on the duvet for them to comfortably watch the film.

Mikasa drifts in and out of attention.  She likes the movie, but the sensation of Jean's fingers combing through her hair is very distracting.  She hums aloud happily, before her eyes snap back open - embarrassed and hoping nobody else heard her.

She catches Sasha's eye but they both quickly look back to the screen.  Sasha's been unusually quiet since they came back to Mikasa's room, and Mikasa has already decided to ask her what's wrong when the boys leave later.

"You know, your bedroom's a lot different to how I thought it might be."  Jean murmurs in Mikasa's ear.

"What did you picture?"

"Less pink for sure."

"Your imagination must have been way off."

"There is just _so_ _much_ pink in here."

"I like pink."

"Clearly."

Mikasa pinches the back of his hand and he yelps and laughs.  Eren doesn't hesitate to spoil their fun immediately.

"No lovey-dovey bullshit please.  Being around Mum and Keith is bad enough."

"Jealous much?" Jean quips and Eren pretends to gag at the thought.

Mikasa expects Armin to tell them off, but he too remains uncharacteristically silent.  She glances towards him to see him watching Sasha studiously.  He must have noticed her strange mood too, but he won't call her out on it.  But she will.

They finally call the night quits when Sasha yawns every thirty seconds and Eren starts snoring into Armin's knees.  It's too late to send Jean home alone with a clear conscience, so he reluctantly stays the night at Mikasa's insistence.

"You can kip on my floor.  But no funny business."  Eren points in Jean's general direction, his eyes unfocused and his words slurred.  Armin rolls his eyes and pulls him out of the room by hand.  Jean follows, but not without kissing Mikasa's cheek and murmuring good night.  She closes the door and turns to face her friend.

"Lovey-dovey bullshit."  Sasha repeats, but she's smiling a little.

"Usual pyjamas?"  Mikasa ignores her comment but is smiling too.  She crosses the room to the chest of drawers to fish out Sasha's favoured sleeping shirt - an old Manchester United strip that was oversized to begin with.  Sasha still claims to hate the team - _"Who cares about English football?"_ \- but prefers the shirt to Mikasa's other pyjamas.  Although to be fair most of Mikasa's sleep wear is Disney themed.

"Are yeh going to tell me about it?"

"About what?"

She knows perfectly well what Sasha is asking.

The previous weekend Jean had invited her over to his home, and she was fully aware that his family were going to be absent the entire time.  So she went because she wanted to, and they had watched movies on his living room couch until they didn't.

Mikasa remembers curiously tracing her fingertips along Jean's jaw, across his high cheekbones and down his straight nose. She likes his face. She told him as much, and he had laughed at that before sliding his hands under her shirt.

Mikasa likes his hands too. She remembers murmuring encouragements to him when he kissed her neck.

Even now Mikasa's heart thuds at the memory, and she has to look away in case any embarrassing feelings show on her face.

"Did yeh - ?"

"No." Mikasa says quickly. "We haven't yet."

"Yet." Sasha echoes. "D'yeh want to?"

She does.  Eventually.  Sex isn't really something Mikasa had considered until recently.  But she likes everything she has experienced with Jean so far, so she's definitely considering it now.

She can't tell Sasha that outright though.  So she gives a half shrug that she knows Sasha will see through right away and changes into her Lion King night shirt.

"Too embarrassed to talk?"  Sasha's grinning but her own cheeks are reddening as she speaks.

"No."  Mikasa lies.  "I'm going to sleep."

"Not with Jean, ha ha."

She smacks her pillow into Sasha's face and buries herself under the duvet.  Silence falls for a moment before Mikasa remembers Sasha's strange mood earlier.  So she turns to look at her, sprawled atop the duvet and staring blankly at the ceiling, and asks.

"Ah... sorry.  Was thinkin' about my parents."

"What about them?"

Sasha glances at Mikasa who redirects her gaze to the pattern of the duvet.  She's learned enough sleepover etiquette by now to know that it's easier to talk about the serious stuff in the dark without eye contact.  And she has a feeling that what Sasha's thinking about comes under the "serious stuff" category.

"It's just... They're fightin' a lot.  I mean, they always did but it's gotten worse since we moved here.  They're probably gonna separate soon, and I just... I dunno.  I just don't wanna be near that, y'know?"  Sasha swallows and turns her head away.  "I know I'm a real pain sometimes and I ask to stay a lot and yeh let me without askin' too much.  But it's just... nicer being here with you guys."

Mikasa doesn't respond for a moment.  She listens to Sasha's controlled breathing and reprimands herself for not picking up on it sooner.  She and Eren had done the same thing in the lead up to their own parents' divorce.  They had delaying going home for as long as possible by staying at Armin's or playing outside past their curfew.  Never had they felt so much dread returning home than when they were sure to witness harsh words and terrifying arguments.

She lets herself be angry at her own obliviousness for a few more seconds before she shoves the feeling aside for later.  It won't do Sasha any good now.

Reaching out to cup a hand around Sasha's clenched one, Mikasa says as softly as she can: "You're not a pain, Sasha.  You can stay as long as you like.  And I don't just let you stay - I _want_ you here."

Sasha exhales quietly and deeply, as though a large weight has suddenly eased off of her lungs.  Her fist unclenches as she allows Mikasa's fingers to interlock with hers.

They'll talk about it more in the morning, or perhaps another day.  But for now Mikasa keeps herself awake until she hears Sasha's breathing settle into soft snores, before letting herself fall asleep to the feeling of Sasha's palm and wrist warm against hers.

 

\--

 

“I have to go soon. Sasha's sleeping over tonight.”

“Again?  You guys are really close, huh?” Jean says, surprised. “I knew you were friends but she seems to stay over a lot.”

"Armin stays over a lot too."

"Yeah, but you three have been joined at the hip since birth or something."

Mikasa considers telling him – or at least imply that Sasha's home life is difficult. Maybe then he wouldn't feel so bad about Mikasa choosing to accompany Sasha tonight instead of him. But in the end she merely shrugs and says: “We're just good friends. Besides, bros before... you know.”

Sasha taught her that phrase last week.

It startles a laugh out of her boyfriend who holds her tighter for a moment before pulling away completely.

“Alright, I get it. Here's your bra by the way, _bro.”_

"No, you're the _you know_. _"_

"I know."  Jean smiles as he tugs on his shirt.  "I like being the _you know."_

"Too many 'o' sounds."  Mikasa frowns before she lets Jean kiss it away.

It's late when she finally arrives home.  Much later than when she promised Sasha.  And her mother.  She tries to slip upstairs unnoticed, but Eren's elephant ears betray her.

_"MUM, MIKASA'S BACK FROM HER BOYFRIEND'S."_

Before Mikasa can even figure out where his voice is coming from, her path is blocked by their mother.  One look at Carla Jaeger's expression has Mikasa apologising immediately.

"You could have called."

"My phone died."  Mikasa says lamely.

"Does Jean not have a charger?"

He probably did, but Mikasa certainly wasn't thinking about it at the time.  But that's not really an appropriate excuse, so she doesn't complain when Carla chastises her for another few minutes.

"And it's not just me you've kept waiting."  Carla says sternly.  She tilts her head meaningfully towards the staircase.  Mikasa nods back meaningfully.  Carla shakes her head meaningfully.

When she's released from her mum's hard stare, Mikasa takes one of Eren's discarded trainers from the doormat and goes upstairs.  She quietly opens the door to Eren's bedroom before pelting him on the back of his head with the shoe.

"Oi!"

"You're supposed to have my back in these situations, you jerk."

"I did warn you about canoodling."

"Jerk."  Mikasa repeats, and glances around Eren's room.  "Where's Sasha?"

"She said she wanted to wait in your room."  He says, frowning.  "She seemed kinda bummed out so I didn't bother her.  That was hours ago though."

Mikasa closes her eyes at the stab of guilt in her chest.  She crosses the room to lift Eren's trainer just to smack his arm with it before leaving.  She wishes she could smack Jean with a shoe too, but that wouldn't be fair.  It's probably only forty percent his fault.

She enters her own room quietly in case Sasha is already asleep.  But she's sitting upright in the centre of the bed, clearly awake and wearing Mikasa's Manchester United shirt.

"I'm sorry."  Mikasa says and Sasha shrugs.  Her knees are hugged to her chest, causing the shirt to bunch around her hips and leave her thighs bare.  There are bruises on her shins from football as well as goosebumps.  Mikasa realises that she's staring and asks Sasha if she's cold but Sasha only shrugs again in answer.

Mikasa steps into the room and shuts the door.  She waits for Sasha to say something, and starts to change her clothes when it becomes clear that neither one of them is going to speak.

She takes her time getting dressed, knowing that Sasha only gets quiet when she's genuinely upset about something.  Normally Sasha would whine and cling to Mikasa when she was hurt or irritated, but her silence is a sign of something more than Mikasa's tardiness upsetting her.

So Mikasa brushes her teeth as thoroughly as possible, allowing her friend time to collect her thoughts, before clambering onto the bed and sitting across from her.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

"They're gettin' divorced."

Mikasa doesn't know what to say.  She had expected this eventually, but she had never figured out what she should say when it happened.  She never knew what she wanted others to say when it was her parents separating either.

She can see Sasha struggling to say something else, and she's overcome with the urge to take Sasha's hand.  But both of her hands are clasped tightly around her legs, so Mikasa leans forward with the intention to pry them apart and take them in her own.

"And I told them I like girls."

Mikasa blinks.  She hadn't expected _that._   "Why did you tell them that?"

Sasha swallows.  "Because... I like girls."

Mikasa wonders if her shock is registering on her face when Sasha jokingly adds:  "Thought that was obvious by now."

Her leg twitches, and they both look down to see Mikasa's hands clasped around the back of Sasha's ankles.  Something must have gone wrong in the second between Mikasa's hand-holding attempt and Sasha's confession.

They start at the sound of the bedroom door opening and Mikasa snatches her hands back.

Eren peers around the door frame before stepping in.  "You're both still up?  I can't sleep either.  Feel like watching something?"

Mikasa sneaks a glance at Sasha who seems to be studying her toenails and trying to look as small as possible.  Something aches a little in Mikasa's chest.

She slides off the bed and crosses the room to her brother.

"No boys allowed."  She says, and ushers a surprised Eren into the hallway before closing the door.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> changed the fic title bc it didn't seem fair to have shura's album on repeat while writing and not make a Thing about it
> 
> also this took forever bc i played video games all summer then university happened and now i have pokemon moon so um lol

When Mikasa wakes and registers the warmth pressed against her back, she can't decide whether or not she should be feeling guilty.  She then figures that if she has to think about it then the answer is probably yes.

She stiffens when Sasha lets out a loud snore against her shoulder.

Friends can cuddle, Mikasa tries to reason with herself.  She's seen Eren and Armin spooning each other before and there's never been anything peculiar about it.

Neither of them have boyfriends though.

She takes a deep breath and moves to pull away from the bed.  She tucks a pillow in her place and Sasha's arms encircle it immediately.  Mikasa watches them with regret for a moment before quietly slipping to the bathroom.

_"What did your parents say?"_

_"Ha..."  Sasha falls back on the bed, spread-eagled across the duvet.  "They said they 'couldn't deal with it right now'.  Whatever that means."_

_"Your timing might have been a little off."_

_"Yeaaaah, it was kinda intense.  So..."  Sasha glances up at Mikasa.  "Yeh really didn't know?"_

_"I never really thought about it."  Mikasa answers truthfully._

_"Ouch."  Sasha mutters for some reason._

Mikasa pulls the cord for the shower and gets in right away.  She turns the temperature up high and rolls her head back under the water.

She really hadn't ever imagined that Sasha would want to be with a girl.  She honestly hadn't imagined that Sasha would want to be with  _anyone._ But why?  It's not as though Mikasa is a stranger to this sort of thing.  Armin's always been subtle but never secretive about his preference for boys, and Eren declared himself "aro-ace as hell" over a year ago.  They had both probably sussed out Sasha's sexuality long ago.  Or at least had the decency to not make assumptions about it.

Mikasa traces the word 'idiot' across the shower door.

Has she always been oblivious to Sasha's feelings?  Or worse, did she choose not to see them?

_"This doesn't... Does this change anything?"_

_Mikasa's tempted to ask why anything would change._

_"This doesn't change anything."  She reassures her friend instead.  "I promise."_

And it wouldn't.  She's sure of it.

It takes Mikasa a few moments of staring at the glass door to realise that the water's freezing.  Eren must have flushed the downstairs toilet again.  Her suspicions are confirmed when she hears a muffled  _"Uh, oops!"_ from below.

She grits her teeth through the cold and goes back to her room when she's done.  Sasha's still on the bed with her eyes closed.  But she's wriggled back under the duvet so Mikasa knows she's awake.

"Are you planning on getting up any time soon?"  She asks as she rifles through her drawers for something to wear.

"Mm."

"Mm?"

"Mm... Can we go to Smooth-E's later?"  Sasha finally mumbles sleepily.

"Sure."  It was a given at this point that they'd spend the day together.  But it's not always obvious that they would spend it with Eren and Armin as well.  "Just us?"

Sasha hums into the pillow again before confirming that she doesn't mind either way.

Just us then, Mikasa thinks to herself.

 

\--

 

For all of Sasha's eagerness to go to the smoothie bar in town, she hangs back when they finally arrive.  She peers through the window, her eyes searching before whipping back around.

"Can yeh order for me?"  She presses a note into Mikasa's hand and scoots backwards until she's out of sight of the window.

"Don't you want to sit in?"  Mikasa asks, bemused.

"Nah, I'm good."  Sasha calls, crossing her arms and leaning against the wall of the building.

Mikasa squints at her through the sunlight for a moment before going inside.  The brightly coloured bar is busy as usual, but there's space and stools enough for the two of them to have sat if Sasha had wanted to.  Maybe she just wants to walk outside for a change.

Mikasa resigns herself to the queue, sometimes glancing backwards to catch Sasha peeking in through the window.

When she eventually reaches the bar, Mikasa stifles a grimace at her server.

Annie stares back evenly, her nametag pinned neatly onto her uniform and her blonde hair tucked back in a bubblegum pink cap.

"Hi there."  She says with less cheer than her pink hat would suggest.  "What can I get you?"

"Usual."  Mikasa replies.  "Please."

"Sure.  Where's the other one?"

"Outside.  She'll have her usual too.  Please."  She adds again.

It's not that Mikasa doesn't like Annie.  She's just... fine, she supposes.  And she doesn't seem to mind much when Sasha babbles away to her while they order.  As far as Mikasa can tell anyway.

"That's 3.98."  Annie says as she brings over the smoothies.  Her eyes flicker to the store window as Mikasa hands over the change.

"Why didn't you come in?"  Mikasa asks Sasha after she leaves the shop.

Sasha slurps noisily at her raspberry drink before answering.

"Did yeh know she works Saturdays in the record shop too?"

"Who does?"

"Annie."

"Oh.  No, I didn't know that."

She wonders how Sasha does though.  She's about to ask "So what?" when her phone buzzes in her pocket.

 

[12:02] Jean:  cinema tomorrow?  that new wendigo horror one u said armin wanted to see is out

[12:03] Jean:  we can all go if u wanna

 

Mikasa's opens her mouth to relay the information to Sasha but stops at the anxious look on her face.  She knows that look well.

She puts her phone away and asks what's wrong.

"Um, it's just -"  Sasha stops short, glancing back towards Smooth-E's.  She takes Mikasa's arm and steers them down the street away from the store.

Once she seems to determine that they're far enough away, she slumps down onto a nearby bench and motions for Mikasa to join her.

"So, it's like - whatever - I'm gay, yeah?"

Sasha then looks to Mikasa expectantly, apparently wanting a response before continuing.  So Mikasa nods.

"So, there are girls that I'd - Not  _girls,_ haha!  Not plural, but - well actually...  Agh, forget that.  I'm - I'm gonna start over, okay?"

Mikasa nods and sips patiently at her smoothie as Sasha shuts her eyes to take a breath.  It's best to let her friend go at her own pace at times like these.

"I like Annie.  Like, I  _like_ her. 

 “Ah.”

_“Ah?”_

“I’m… processing.”  Mikasa says, but really she’s fighting the reflexive urge to ask _‘why her?’_

“Processing sounds bad.”

“It’s not.”  Mikasa quickly reassures her.  “I’m just a little surprised because I never noticed.”

“Yer weirdly unobservant about these kinda things, huh?”  Sasha laughs a little but there is still worry in her eyes.  “If… If yer uncomfortable talking – “

“Hey, look at me.”  Mikasa places a hand on Sasha’s arm who had shifted as though to move away.  She steadily meets her gaze and ignores the sudden tightness in her chest.  “I’m not uncomfortable.  And if anyone ever is, then it’s their fault and not yours.  You don’t ever have to cater to anyone else’s stupid prejudices.  But you can always talk to me about anything you want, okay?”

Sasha ducks her head, mumbling in acknowledgement and smiling a little.

“You’re blushing.”

“I can’t help it when yeh say things like that.”  Sasha laughs, turning her head away self-consciously.  “It’ll be nice to finally talk about these things with yeh though.”

“Let’s start with Annie then.”

Mikasa scoots closer to her friend on the bench and forces their arms to link.  It’s unlike her to initiate casual contact but she’s determined not to let Sasha’s embarrassment deter them from talking about it.

After minimal prodding, Sasha spills.  She admits to having liked Annie for a while from their frequent trips to the smoothie shop, and only stumbled across her in the record store by accident.  She’s now made a habit of purchasing whichever alternative rock record Annie bothers to recommend, and has no idea what to think of them.

“You don’t even have a record player at home, do you?”

“Um, nope.”  Sasha admits.  “I just look up the songs online so I can fake an opinion when she asks me what I thought…  And I see the way yer looking at me, ugh.  I know.  I’m the lamest, aren’t I?”

“Kinda.”  Mikasa pokes her friend’s cheek.  She smiles but she can’t shake this strange feeling of dread.  Or sadness.  She can’t really pinpoint what it is other than knowing that she doesn’t like it.

Later she considers confiding in her brother about the weird ache she feels about the whole Sasha and Annie thing.  She stops short when she realises that she may be effectively outing Sasha to Eren.

Unsure whether to just vaguely describe the situation (“my _friend_ has this other _friend_ …”) or keep her mouth shut entirely, Mikasa spends several minutes hovering in Eren’s bedroom doorway before he decides to acknowledges her.

“You know; you could keep standing there or you _could_ take a seat while you debate whether to tell me something.”  Eren’s eyes don’t move from his computer screen as he speaks, but he does pat the space next to him.

Without saying a word Mikasa drops on the bed beside her brother and looks at the screen.  He’s playing some kind of medieval combat game that he doesn’t seem to be very good at so she lets herself be distracted by the excellent graphics and horrendous gameplay for a few minutes before Eren breaks the silence.

“Are you gonna tell me about whatever’s bothering you, or…?”

“Quiet, I’m thinking.”

“Well, whenever you’re ready.  _Shit._ ”  Eren says as his avatar dies a gory death at the hands of a gruesome creature.  “Welp, I’m dead now so.  My attention’s all yours.”

He tosses his controller aside and leans back next to Mikasa.  He blinks at her so she blinks back.

“You know, we’re not _actually_ telepathic - “

“Do you ever get jealous?”  Mikasa says before she can lose her nerve.

Eren only gives her a blank look so she tries again.

“If you had a friend and you maybe had to start sharing them with someone else… Do you think you could get jealous?  As a friend?”

“Uh, sure.  I mean, I’ve never really experienced it but I’m sure it happens.”

“If it were a boyfriend or girlfriend though?”  Mikasa presses, hoping she’s imagining the growing understanding in Eren’s expression.  “Would it still be normal to be jealous?”

“Why, did someone finally catch Sasha’s eye?”  Eren grins and Mikasa’s tempted to leave the room.

“Would it still be normal to be jealous?”  She repeats insistently instead and Eren’s smile slips a little at the look on her face.  He sighs and confirms that he’s sure it would be normal.

“So, if Armin ever got a boyfriend… “

Eren lets out a short laugh and turns his eyes to the ceiling.  “Yeah, well.  I'm sure I'll deal with whatever feelings that brings.”

Somehow Mikasa gets the feeling that they’re still not quite on the same wavelength.  Even so, she reaches out a hand to her brother’s and holds it quietly for a moment.  He lets it happen but she knows that he also won’t be side-tracked so easily.

“Being jealous of Sasha’s girlfriend doesn’t make you gay, Mikasa.”  He says and she recoils.

“That’s not what I was asking.”

Eren rolls his eyes.

“Yes, it was.”

  _I don’t care if it’s just that,_ Mikasa thinks.  _I care if it’s specifically Sasha._

“Maybe you should talk to Armin about this kind of thing.”

“Maybe I should.”

Eren gives her hand a squeeze and finally looks over at her.

“Or Sasha.”

“Probably.”

“Or Jean.”

“Haha.”

“Yeah, you’re laughing but I’m serious.”  Eren says but the amused glint in his eye gives him away.  “What’s wrong, are his techniques getting a bit boring?”

“Don’t be gross.”  Mikasa yanks her hand out of his grip and stands up to leave.  “He’s invited you guys along with us to the cinema tomorrow so be nice to him.”

“Who, me and Armin?”

“And Sasha.”

“Uh, why?”  Eren wrinkles his nose in confusion.  “It's a bit weird for him to suggest a group thing, isn’t it?”

 “I think he just wants to show that he’s willing to spend time with my friends and get to know you all better.”

“Aw, what a good boyfriend you have.”  Eren croons.  “I’m sure that makes all the terrible canoodling almost worth it.”  He adds and Mikasa barely restrains herself from throwing the controller at him.

 

\--

 

“Gah, I hate queues.  Why didn’t you just book online?”  Eren whines, unable to keep still so he bounces on the balls of his feet.

“Because there’s not enough money in my bank account to cover all of us.”  Jean says.  “You didn’t think I was treating _everyone_ did you?”

“Well, if you _really_ wanted to win us over…” Eren shrugs and Mikasa pats her boyfriend’s arm reassuringly before he can fire anything back.

In the end they had all agreed to go see the movie, though Sasha had seemed reluctant until Armin privately convinced her somehow.  So now the five of them are crammed together near the back of the queue for screen tickets and Mikasa can’t seem to shake the discomfort she’s feeling.

“Aw crap, I didn’t even check I had enough -” Sasha mutters as she rifles through her bag in front of them.  Her hair brushes Mikasa’s nose as she moves her head.

 “I can cover you if you need.”  Mikasa offers, her voice strange as the smell of Sasha’s familiar strawberry shampoo overwhelms her.  She takes Jean’s hand to steady herself.

“Nah, I think I’m –” Sasha cuts herself off with a yelp as Armin suddenly stumbles sideways into her.  Mikasa instinctively grasps Sasha’s elbows to keep her upright.

“Ah, sorry Sasha - !” Armin gasps.

“Oh, no it’s okay –”

“Oi.”  Jean calls out suddenly, staring hard over Armin’s head.  Mikasa follows his gaze to see a larger man turn to face them and realises that he must’ve caused Armin’s stumble.  “You wanna watch where you’re going?”

“Excuse me?”

“You nearly sent them flying.”  He gestures to a flustered-looking Armin, and Sasha who’s still somehow in the circle of Mikasa’s arms.

“I didn’t see them.”

“Is that it?”

The stranger glances at Armin and Sasha with disinterest before muttering an apology and turning back around.  Jean still doesn’t look happy but seems to drop it and Mikasa feels a little proud of him.

“Are you alright?”  Jean asks Armin concernedly, his hand lightly touching his back.  Armin seems to stiffen at the contact but nods and gives Jean an appreciative smile.

“Huh.”  Eren says, giving Jean an appraising look.

“What?”

“Nothing.”  Eren meets Mikasa’s eye and raises a brow.  “You two quite cosy, yeah?”

 _Oh, right._ Mikasa realises, her cheek still pressed against the curve of Sasha’s ear.  They’re standing steady now so this is completely… unnecessary…

“We’re in love.”  She answers and squeezes Sasha’s body tighter.  The others laugh as Sasha throws her head back and fans herself dramatically, playing along with the joke.  It’s all very funny until Mikasa’s hit with that strawberry scent again and her stomach swoops.

They eventually get their tickets and move to quickly to file into the screen.  Mikasa goes to follow the others but Jean pulls her aside next to the doors with a worried look on his face.

“What’s wrong?”

“Does Armin not like me?”

Mikasa blinks in surprise.  That’s not what she would have expected him to say and asks what he means.

“Well, he just… Doesn’t really talk to me, and seems like he doesn’t like me touching him and I don’t know if…”  Jean trails off, looking flustered.

“You really do want my friends to like you, don’t you?”  Mikasa smiles but almost feels a little sad at the thought.  Another thing for her to figure out later.

“Of course, I mean… Of course.  So, did I do something to upset him or?”  He looks so nervous the she can’t help but reach up on her toes and kiss him.

“He likes you.”  She reassures him in a soft voice.  “He’s just not crazy about people touching him until he’s used to them.”

Mikasa pulls away, leaving Jean looking a lot more pleased.

“Come on, let’s go in.  You have a dopey look on your face.”

“I can’t help it.”  Jean laughs before slinging an arm around her shoulders.  “You make me dopey.”

They join the others, already seated in the dark screen to watch the film, and everything feels okay again.  Mikasa can murmur to Sasha on her left before leaning to her right to whisper to Jean (and sneak a sip of his drink).  There are no confusing stomach swoops or lingering feelings of guilt.  She's perfectly comfortable.  Even as both persons on either side of her jump in fright.  Sasha actually pulls her knees to her chest and hides her face in them.

Well, Mikasa will admit that this is a pretty terrifying movie.  She's barely keeping her own startled reactions in check.

"Jesus."  Jean mutters until his breath, screwing his nose up in distaste at the display onscreen.  "Whose idea was this?"

 _Yours_ , Mikasa wants to say.  Instead she cranes her neck around Sasha's quivering form to look at the others.  Eren and Armin share shiny-eyed expressions of wonder and she has to bite back a smile at the pair of them.  She knew they would eat this up.

She's enjoying it too, despite the film's clichés and the graphic violence of the wendigo's attacks.  Even more so when the last man (the  _Genuinely Nice Guy_  character) standing is suddenly decapitated and crumples like a piece of paper.  The remaining two women remain crouched under the floorboards, shaking but silent.

The wendigo slinks away, and they spend another few moments paralysed below before bursting into panicked whispers.

Mikasa tries to ascertain which of the two will be the single survivor in the end.  It's difficult as neither of the young women onscreen seem to fit into the _Final Girl_ trope.  Maybe this film will defy all horror stereotypes and both women will live.  Wouldn't that be something?  Somehow Mikasa still doubts it.

She watches them sneak around and hide onscreen a little longer before Armin's hurried whispers draw her attention.

"Sasha, I think this is it!"

"If I look up and see something gory and gross - "

"Sasha, I promise it's fine!"

Curious, Mikasa watches Sasha gingerly raise her head and look at the screen.  She's looks... still anxious, but also hopeful if Mikasa is reading her expression correctly.  And Mikasa knows Sasha's face pretty well by now.

Onscreen, the whispered discussion seems to be growing heated - with the short blonde becoming angrier towards the tall brunette.

_"I know what you're thinking so stop it."_

_"Shut up and listen for once.  I'll distract it so you can escape - "_

_"No!  If you think I'm leaving your dumbass behind, then you're even stupider than I thought - "_

_"Come **on** , you're shorter and lighter so it'll be easier for you.  And what are the odds of both of us making it -"_

_"Fuck the odds."_

Mikasa thinks that it's all getting a bit too dramatic for her tastes until the blonde pulls the lankier girl down for a fierce kiss and Mikasa stops thinking altogether.

A strange thrill shoots through her at the sight; at slender, feminine hands grasping long hair and soft gasps slipping between plump lips.  The kiss goes on forever.  It ends too soon.  In reality it lasts about three seconds.

_"I'm **not** leaving with you.  Got it?"_

_"Um... yup.  Sure thing.  Got it."_ The girl onscreen looks as dazed as Mikasa feels.

"Awesome."  She hears Sasha mumble reverently into her knees, but doesn't dare glance towards her.  Or at Jean.  And she definitely doesn't stop looking at the screen.

Despite not taking her eyes off of the film, she doesn't really recall much of what happened when it ends some time later.  Her brain seemed to stop registering anything past the sudden kiss.

"That was _awesome._ " Explodes out of Eren as they leave the movie theatre.  
  
"Wasn't it?"  
  
" _So_ awesome." Sasha adds dreamily. Mikasa doesn't feel like pointing out that she had only paid attention to one particular scene.  
  
"So awesome!" Eren chants and leaps down the entrance steps before turning to face them all. "We've totally found the movie, guys. All future films shall be held against the higher standards of that masterpiece."  
  
"Future _horror_ films."  
  
" _All_ films, Mikasa."  
  
"Was it really that good?" Jean frowns, glancing at Mikasa for support. "Not that I didn't enjoy it but... I dunno, it seemed a bit graphic..."  
  
"Aw, man." Eren closes his eyes as though in pain. "You haven't a clue, have you?"  
  
Jean rolls his eyes. "Go on and enlighten me then."  
  
Eren wordlessly gestures to Armin whose eyes are still glazed over, lost in thought. He walks with a light bounce in his step, fingertips pressed to his mouth.  
  
"Uh..."  
  
"It defied a lot of horror film stereotypes." Mikasa supplies at Jean's confused look. "No bullshit jumpscares or deadly pranks or "having sex gets you killed" tropes."  
  
"Ah, right. I don't really watch enough horror films to know any tropes." Jean admits.  
  
"And... well, not to point out the obvious but the last survivors were non-sexualised lesbians."  
  
"Oh... was that an issue before?"  
  
Armin and Sasha both snap to life at Jean's hesitant words, exchanging then shooting him incredulous looks. Eren immediately starts to snicker at Jean's mistake and Mikasa braces herself.  
  
On one hand it's almost funny to watch Jean's bewildered expression as their friends unleash a tirade of justified frustration and disappointment at the film industry's poor portrayal (or lack) of LGBT+ characters. On the other hand, Mikasa feels as though she's being chastised too.  
  
_Get a grip._ She reminds herself forcefully. _Stop acting as though you've done something wrong._  
  
"I-I'm sorry..." Jean wavers, flushing under Armin's disappointed look. "I guess I've just never really thought about that stuff."  
  
"Yeah, well... You're not the only one." Sasha says and nudges Mikasa's arm playfully.  
  
All eyes turn to Mikasa; a mix of amusement and confusion in their gazes. She turns away and suggests that they all get some food.

 

\--

 

Later, after many exhausting in-depth discussions containing far too many innuendos and digs for Mikasa to deal with, Jean suggests that Mikasa come over to his home.  She says yes in a heartbeat. She's still feeling unsettled and frustrated with herself, so she hopes some time alone with her boyfriend will relax her some.  
  
They say goodbye to the others, and Mikasa pretends not to see the meaningful look Eren gives her when they part. She doesn't want to hear whatever more sly albeit accurate ideas he has to share right now.  
  
Instead she leans into the solid warmth of Jean's side and loops her arm around his waist the way she knows he likes.  
  
They somehow manage to avoid talking about the film and the others all the way to Jean's home. It's not until they greet Jean's mother and climb upstairs into Jean's now-familiar bedroom is the quiet illusion shattered.  
  
"So... the others seemed to be pretty worked up earlier." Jean begins and Mikasa drops onto his bed with a sigh.  
  
"I don't mean to pry, I mean... Well. I just don't wanna assume either." Jean says awkwardly and sits to join her. "Because apparently I'm a... 'clueless dipshit', was it?"  
  
"Yeah, Armin's not really interested in sugar-coating his words."  
  
"It did surprise me." Jean laughs a little.  
  
"Just don't ask him about the bees." Mikasa shuffles closer to him, eager to change the subject.  
  
"The what?"  
  
"Nothing." She moves to kiss him and is startled when he stops her.  
  
"Mikasa." Jean says her name as if it's something heavy and grazes his knuckles against her chin. "I... kinda want to talk to you about it."  
  
She sees the genuine worry in his copper-coloured eyes and wants to ignore it. What has _he_ got to be concerned about?  
  
"Don't ask me about it. Talk to the others."  
  
He says her name again like it tires him to do so and she shifts away from him, annoyed.  
  
"So what? That's it? We don't have a conversation just because you don't want to?"  
  
"Do we have to have one just because you do?"  
  
Jean gives an exasperated groan.  It's not an unfamiliar sound but it's probably the first time that Mikasa's been the cause of it.  
  
"Why are you getting all defensive about this? I haven't even asked anything yet. Shouldn't you hear me out before you tell me it's none of my business?"

"No, because I know what you're going to say."

"How'd you figure that?"

"Because - "  Mikasa stops herself and exhales impatiently.  She knows that she's being unreasonably short with him.  She's irritated with herself for behaving like this all of a sudden.  So she reigns her temper back in.  "Fine.  Let's talk about _whatever it is_ you want to talk about."

"Nah nah nah, wait.  Because what?"

"Jean - "

"What were you gonna say?"  He presses.

"I was going to say 'because you're predictable'.  And stubborn."  She adds, turning to give him a wry smile.  She accepts the resulting pillow smack against her arm.

"Rude."  Jean says but returns her smirk.  The affection in his gaze is nearly overwhelming.  It's enough for Mikasa to want to quickly break eye contact.

"Just ask me whatever already."  She pushes him to lean on the headboard, and lies back against him.  Pulling his arms around she intertwines her fingers with his.

"So... Sasha.  She's exclusively into girls, yeah?"

"Mm... hm."

"That's... not really surprising now that I actually think about it."

"It's not?"

"Nah, I mean... She was all over you when she moved here.  It was kinda frustrating actually."  Jean laughs a little strangely, the motion of his chest causing Mikasa's head to jerk.

She cranes her neck to frown up at him in bemusement.

"She made it difficult to catch you alone."  He explains.  "It's hard to work up the courage to ask someone out when they're attached at the hip to someone else."

"Oh... Do we - Does _it_ still seem like that?"  Mikasa asks cautiously, well aware of her slightly irregular breathing. She turns her attention back to the ceiling, trying very hard not to believe that her thumping heart is about to jump right out of her chest.

"Not so much.  She calmed down after a while, so it must've just been a crush.  Lucky for me, I guess."  Jean presses his mouth to the top of Mikasa's head.  "You guys never talked about it or anything?"

Did they ever talk about the feelings Sasha possibly had for Mikasa?  About the way Mikasa may have deliberately not noticed?  About the fact that the idea of Sasha having a crush on her both thrills and terrifies her?  No.  Of course not.  And at this point Mikasa's not sure that they ever will.

She shakes her head and doesn't say anything else.  She doesn't want to think about it now.  Not when she's with Jean. It would feel too strange, or even wrong.

"And... Armin, he's...  he just likes guys, right?"

"What about it?"  Mikasa flexes her fingers, ready to crush his in an instant if she doesn't like his answer.

"Nothing!  I just - I mean, I always wondered - "  Jean splutters, and Mikasa doesn't have to look up to know that his face is red.  "I'm totally cool with the whole spectrum of... uh, interest and, um, identity?  A-actually, sometimes I think..."

He trails off into silence until Mikasa hears him swallow.  She's not sure he has any intention (or at least the courage) to finish his thought.  Although she's tempted to push him to.

"You think...?"  She prompts as temptation wins out.

"I...  Okay, uh."  He clears his throat and lets out a short embarrassed laugh.  "Have you ever thought that you might not be totally 100% straight?"

Mikasa immediately regrets pushing him.

"Have _you?"_  She counters childishly.

"Come on, I asked first."

"You can't ask a question like that and expect a response without giving your answer first."

Jean groans, probably both in frustration and mortification.  Mikasa silently feels similarly, and is very glad that they can't see each other's face from this angle.

As the resulting silence stretches on awkwardly, she can't help but think about his question.

How would she know?  It's not as if there's some sort of test for it.  She's only ever kissed and touched Jean - which she knows she likes.  She does.  She likes his broad shoulders and rough hands; the distinct smell of aftershave and something undeniably _boyish._

But she has nothing to compare it to.  Does she?

Mikasa has never kissed Sasha, but she's watched her and hugged her close enough to memorise her shape.  She's held her hand often enough to be able to imagine them now, soft and slender in place of Jean's.  Her palms are usually scraped from football practice, and her fingertips sometimes anxiously chewed to the point of bleeding.

Mikasa recalls one morning waking up with her nose pressed to the space between Sasha's neck and shoulder.  She remembers stirring to the sound of Sasha's sleepy groans and the sweet scent of strawberry and skin.  Now she squeezes her eyes shut and tries desperately to block it out. 

"Maybe we should just... forget I said anything."  Jean says quietly.  Mikasa thinks it's a bit late for that, but she's all for trying.

"Good plan."  She says, twisting around to press her mouth against his jaw and seek out the now faint smell of aftershave.  It's good enough.

 

\--

 

e: **so how did that conversation go lol**  
  
m: idk what u mean  
  
m: also i'm in the next room why are u texting me  
  
e: **because I want Armin to know all the things as well**  
  
e: **and he can't come over because he's studying like the good student he is**  
  
a: _Replies might be sparse but I'm listening!_  
  
e: **hear that Kasa! we're both listening**  
  
m: stop calling me that  
  
e: **how did it go! did he freak out @ all the gay**  
  
m: no bc he's actually a decent human being believe it or not  
  
e: **aw come on**  
  
m: seriously, eren he's totally fine with it  
  
m: i could have told u that even before today  
  
m: pretty sure he already partly figured it out anyway  
  
a: _You mean about Sasha and I?_  
  
m: well, he "wondered"  
  
m: but he's always been nice to you, right? he was worried that u didn't like him  
  
a: _Yes, he's always been kind. If a bit obtuse at times._  
  
a: _I do like him_.  
  
e: **ugh :(**  
  
e: **fine okay he's a wonderful dude. I accept it or whatever**  
  
e: **we should add Sasha to this**  
  
m: don't  
  
e: **??????**  
  
a: _Mikasa?_  
  
m: sorry but don't yet  
  
e: **ohoooo**  
  
e: **are u finally confessing ur love for ur best friend**  
  
e: **your gay love**  
  
e: **for your gay best friend**  
  
e: **because ur gay**  
  
e: **poor Jean ;(**  
  
m: shut up this is ur fault  
  
m: i can hear u laughing thru the wall  
  
a: _Wait. I'm closing my textbook._  
  
e: **o shit he's closing his textbook**  
  
a: _Mikasa???? What's going on?_  
  
m: idk  
  
m: that's what i'm trying to figure out  
  
e: **yeah you've had this constipated look on your face for the past two weeks**  
  
m: your. fault.  
  
e: **how is ur gay awakening my fault????**  
  
m: i'm not having a gay awakening  
  
a: _Eren, shut up for two minutes._  
  
e: **zzzzip ~**  
  
a: _Mikasa, go ahead._  
  
m: i told you both that sasha came out to me, right?  
  
m: and that i was surprised by it  
  
e: **were u really tho?**  
  
a: _Eren._  
  
e: **zip ~**  
  
m: ever since then i've been going over it in my head. why didn't i notice? DID i notice and just ignore it? did she ever have feelings for me that i ignored?  
  
a: _I'm quite sure that she did. We can come back to that though. Go on._  
  
m: now i'm starting to think about her differently. romantically. i'm just so AWARE of her now.  but I don't know if this is some weird internally homophobic response to her coming out to me, or if i've always seen her this way and am only just realising that i like her as more than a friend. bc we've always been close and i've never really been friends with other girls so i don't know if what we're usually like together is normal or not. i can't compare us with u guys bc ur both weird and i can't ask jean in case it IS weird and he freaks out  
  
e: **whoa wtf**  
  
a: _Um_.  
  
m: yeah, i'm reading it back now and it doesn't make sense to me either  
  
a: _Okay, well. First off I think the whole homophobia theory is nonsense._  
  
e: **yeah that's bullshit. ur just paranoid because ur worried you'll be hurting someone.  chill out a bit**  
  
m: really?  
  
a: _Yes. I mean, look at it this way. Does the idea of kissing a girl freak you out?_  
  
m: i don't think so. well, it kind of excites me a bit.  
  
e: **whoaaa!!!!!!! How about kissing Sasha?**  
  
m: ....................trying really hard not to think about it bc i feel like i might explode if i do  
  
e: **shit!!!!!! gay**  
  
a: _Gay._  
  
m: guys  
  
a: _Sorry_.   _Bi, maybe?_

m: something like that  
  
a: _Putting aside the fact that you have a boyfriend..._  
  
m: ..........  
  
a: _Honestly, I think your feelings for Sasha have always been building to this. The two of you have always been quite close in a way that I thought was a little romantic. And... Sasha very obviously had a crush on you for a long time. You might not have completely noticed, so you never reciprocated those feelings in a way that suggested you were serious. But now that she's moved on, you might feel threatened and worried that you'll lose her. Maybe that sudden rush of jealousy made you realise your true feelings for her._  
  
m: i guess that makes sense. i think you're probably right  
  
e: **wait!! what do u mean she's moved on??**  
  
m: she told u about annie  
  
e: **the smoothie girl????**  
  
a: _I'm Sasha's friend too. It might be easier for her to tell me some things than it would be to tell you._  
  
m: does she ever talk about me?  
  
a: _She never really needed to. I don't think she wanted me to encourage or discourage her from liking you. I think she just wanted to get over you._  
  
m: because i started going out with jean?  
  
a: _Yes..._  
  
e: **..........kind of an awkward situation huh**  
  
m: not at all  
  
e: **????**  
  
m: she likes annie and i'm dating jean

m: end of story  
  
e: **pfft**  
  
a: _Mikasa..._  
  
m: it's fine  
  
m: i'll get over it  
  
m: it's only fair considering she had to do the same  
  
m: and it's not as if i suddenly don't like jean any more  
  
e: **yeah but it's not the same is it  
**  
m: no but it still means something  
  
m: i'm going to bed now  
  
a: _We love you._  
  
e: **yeah we love u okay**  
  
m: thanks guys, love u both

 

\--

 

When Mikasa leaves the group chat, she half expects Eren to come bounding into her room within seconds.  Her brother doesn't disappoint, appearing in her doorway moments later though considerably less energetic than she thought he would be.  Instead he gives her a sympathetic look that really doesn't help her mood.

"You know I was only teasing you before, right?  I'm here if you really want to talk.  Since, well..."  Eren's mouth curls up into a mischievous smile.  "You can't exactly have a chat with your best friend about it."

"You just had to go and ruin the moment."

"Can't help it.  I don't really know how to deal with the whole 'romantic feelings' things either."

"Yes, because you don't  _have_ them."

"Lucky for me."  Eren grins as Mikasa's phone beeps.  She's received several texts from Jean.

She raises it to view the incoming messages with something akin to dread.  After their conversation today, she's not sure she wants to know what else he has to say.

 

[22:58] Jean:  awkwardness aside, i had a good time with everyone today.  i'm glad we all got to hang out again

[22:59] Jean:  hope i didn't freak u out earlier with what i said about the "not 100% straight" thing.  cause even if that is the case i'm still really into u

[23:01] Jean:  i think i love you actually

[23:02] Jean:  haha don't freak out i'm not expecting u to say it back or anything, i just want u to know

 

Oh, Mikasa _really_ doesn't want to deal with this now.  It's even worse than she expected.

The alarm and discomfort must show on her face, as Eren raises a brow questioningly and asks what's wrong.

She's not sure she's can actually be bothered hiding it from her brother if he asks any further.  She definitely doesn't feel equipped to handle this on her own.  But she knows that if she shares these texts with Eren of all people, he would never be able to resist making a dig at Jean about it later.  Then Jean would know and have a hard time forgiving her.

"It's nothing."  Mikasa answers halfheartedly.  "Group chat for a history project."

Eren wrinkles his nose and makes a displeased sound.  Any hint of school work tends to immediately put him from off investigating further.

"Yeah, well.  Good luck with that.  Are you really alright though?"

"I will be."  Mikasa gives him a weak but grateful smile - his cue to leave.  So he does and almost immediately more alerts light up Mikasa's phone.

 

[22:03] Sasha:  TODAY WAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  SO FUN????????????

[22:03] Sasha:  I mean yah the film totally freaked me out because SCARY SHIT WHOA but!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  HOLY SHIT GIRLS KISSING AND LIVING AND KISSING

[22:03] Sasha:  I know it doesn't really seem like a big deal haha but it is to me!!!!!!!!!!  And it was so FUN talking about it afterwards with the others and jean seemed really cool too!!!!

[22:04] Sasha:  Really hope this isn't weird for u tho??  U seemed kind of uncomfortable at lunch

 

Mikasa scans all the messages she's received in the past few minutes and doesn't even need to consider where her priorities lie.

 

[22:05] Mikasa:  nah i was just tired, don't worry

[22:05] Mikasa:  it really was a great movie tho

[22:06] Mikasa:  and yeah totally that kiss had me like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  too

[22:06] Sasha:  KFLAASDN; NF AISLD,

[22:06] Sasha:  OMG U DID THE EXCITED EXCLAMATION MARK THING

 

Mikasa's still snickering into the back of her hand when she answers her phone.

"Oh my god!  Yeh  _never_ do the excited exclamation mark thing!"

"Don't expect it to happen too often."

"Nuh uh, ma'am!  I've finally cracked yeh.  Yeh've shown yer heart!  And I'm gonna steal it!"  Sasha whispers into the phone, and Mikasa suppresses a shiver at the low tone of her voice.  She's really beyond hope.

"Yeah, yeah.  Just give it back when you're done, will you?"

"Never!"  Sasha whoops.  Mikasa fakes a reluctant sigh in response, because that seems about accurate.  She doubts she's ever getting her heart back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the 'e' in smooth-e's stands for erwin
> 
> 2 b clear mikasa isn't outing the others to jean bc they have never made a secret of their sexualities and it's implied that they confirmed it not-so-subtly after the movie. mikasa and jean were just slow to catch on. they also have the same texting style not-surprisingly


End file.
